True Confessions Of A K-Mart Shopper

“Gotta go to K-Mart, K-Mart in Cincinnati for underwear, Yeah, gotta go to K-Mart, K-Mart in Cincinnati for underwear.”

“Ray, Ray let me give you a little tip, K-Mart sucks!” Excerpt taken from the movie “Rainman”

Well Mr. Cruise, K-Mart might suck to some people but I have to admit that I do shop in there from time to time to save some money. Okay, okay, and I admit, I’m cheap!!! Another great thing about shopping in K-Mart is it’s entertaining as hell! One of the reasons it’s entertaining is because you get many types of people who shop in there, it’s interesting, comical and entertaining.
First of all you get the people that don’t speak a word of English and go up and down the aisles talking in their own foreign language to each other. I have no problem with that at all, but why do these people that speak a different language have to SHOUT??? It's like one person is standing at one end of the store and the other person is at the other end of the store. What? They can't just talk to one another in a normal tone of voice? You can actually be in another aisle across from them and it sounds like they’re standing right next to you holding a conversation. The funny thing about it is they think that they’re talking in a normal tone of voice. Then they wonder why everyone is staring at them in the store?
Next you have the elderly couples, elderly couples are so cute, but get an elderly couple in K-Mart shopping? Forget it, it’s a totally different story! They are anything but cute and they fight and argue like crazy. Example, I ran across an elderly couple in K-Mart who stood there arguing over how much sodium was in a box of Premium Saltine Crackers. They were standing in the middle of the aisle reading the box of crackers with a magnifying glass, and the husband was trying to grab the magnifying glass out of his wife’s hand to show her that the sodium content was wrong and then she got totally pissed off and looked like she was going to swing at his face with her purse. I walked by them and I heard the man say, “this is bullshit, I’m going to go wait in the God Damn car!” Then the lady turns to him and says, “that’s a hell of a good idea, as many times as you’ve marched off to use the restroom while we’ve been here and arguing with me over how much we can save on a box of "Depends," I think going to the car and waiting is an excellent idea for you, maybe now I can get my shopping done!” Ouch! I hope I never get that old!
Next you have the speed demons in the wheelchairs, I always feel so sorry for people in wheelchairs, but these people that are in these wheelchairs go 90 miles an hour up and down the aisles in the store, and they are frickin dangerous as hell! You really have to be careful when you’re turning the corner or honest to God they will knock you right off of your feet and on your ass in a matter of seconds. It makes me wonder how many people have actually ended up in wheelchairs after getting hit by somebody doing 90 miles an hour down a grocery aisle in a wheelchair. Scary.
Then you have the people with children, children running everywhere. Kids are awesome but every time I’m in that store there’s always a kid screaming and crying. It’s usually a kid that’s pissed off and laying flat down on the floor and refusing to move because their mother or dad won’t buy them the toy of their choice. Or it’s a kid that’s getting wailed on by the parents for being a brat. It always leaves me thinking to myself “ wow that could be me trying to deal with that kid, thank God almighty that I don’t have kids!” Whatever the day, or time, there’s always a screaming crying kid. Since there are so many children always crying in the store, I’ve come to the conclusion that people wait to spank their kids until they get inside a K-Mart store.
Then you have the people that look like they’re shopping, but don’t really know what the hell they’re shopping for. They walk around the store slowly pushing their cart and pick every item up off of the shelves, examine it, and then put it back and move on to the next item, this process looks like it goes on for hours and it must take them forever to get their shopping done. I’d truly hate to go Christmas shopping with those people.
Then you have the people that just live for the K-Mart blue light specials, always looking for a bargain. Oh my God!!! These are the people you seriously need to watch out for. They will in fact kill you if you happen to be in their way to get to the blue light special of their choice. The other day I was in there picking up some laundry detergent and I came across two ladies that were hovering over a basket full of the ugliest God awful looking pairs of jeans I had ever seen in my life! It was totally hilarious. They both had the most serious looks on their faces as they were frantically riffling through this basket of jeans. They both were digging into the basket at the same time and they both happened to pick up the same pair of jeans at the same time. It caught my attention and totally stopped me in my tracks and then I had no choice but to stand there and watch the train wreck start to take place. One lady had one leg on the pair of jeans and the other lady had the other leg, and they were both pulling and tugging on the pants to the point where it looked like it was going to rip right up through the crotch and completely tear the jeans in half. I thought to myself, “holy hell, this is some serious shit going on here, how sad is this,?” “I have really got to get a life and shop in some other stores!”
On that same day I passed by their woman’s clothing section of the store, I walked right by a mannequin that they had all dressed up and I actually backed up and did a double take. Seriously? This was the first time I actually felt sorry for a mannequin, because they had the poor thing dressed up like a cheap K-Mart whore. Trust me, she looked like a blue light special hooker! Someone had dressed her in the tackiest outfit, she looked like she had ruby red lipstick on and that she was ready to hit the streets for the night and go work her corner. Hmmm, makes me seriously wonder if T.J Maxx was her pimp???
Ever hear of the saying, “you get what you pay for?” That phrase always runs through my head when I walk by their return service desk and some customer is giving the poor clerk a hard time about having to return a toaster that cost five dollars because it doesn't function like a fifty-dollar toaster that one might purchase from Macy’s. Hello? It’s a toaster, it was five dollars, it’s not going to function like a fifty-dollar toaster for one simple fact, it’s cheap!!! It was five dollars!!! I always feel so sorry for those clerks that have to put up with that crap.
In the end I always walk out of there with a big old smile on my face, just for the plain fact that it’s entertaining as hell in there, and well, okay, and I’m cheap. At least I’m not like some people who walk out of there with smiles on their faces like they got the greatest deals in the world and want to shout it out at the top of their lungs and tell the whole world, “LOOK AT THIS WHOLE SHOPPING CART FILLED WITH CRAP THAT ONLY COST ME FIFTY DOLLARS!!” “YES!”
What I’m about to tell you now is the ultimate K-Mart confession, so here it is. Two months ago when my vacuum broke I had to go buy another one, and where did I head to buy my new vacuum? The big K!!! The really sad thing is the other night I had my T.V. on and here’s a K-mart commercial on, and I turned and looked and here was the exact same vacuum that I had purchased two months ago in the commercial. I’m so embarrassed to admit this but here goes, I saw the vacuum in the commercial and I actually pointed at the T.V. excited as hell and screamed! Jesus, you would have thought that somebody that I knew was on T.V. the way that I was pointing at the T.V. and carrying on about my stupid vacuum that was in the commercial. I came to the conclusion that I’ve been spending way too much time in K-Mart. One of these days I really need to get myself a life, I’ve heard they’re nice to have. : o

Peace out!

Jenn

Death Of A Pet

Pets are a gift to us all, they do so much for all of us and expect very little in return. They love us unconditionally, they keep us good company when we are lonely, they comfort us in times of sadness or illness. They are a part of us and a member of our family. Sometimes we get wrapped up in our own little world and tend to forget to pay them more attention than we do, or take them for granted that they are with us. We just assume that they are always going to be with us from one day to the next and we never seem to expect that like human beings, that they do get sick and they don't last forever.
Two weeks ago I had to put my parakeet that I dearly loved to sleep. He was truly a joy to have around. He was a talker. He was a total riot! He even picked up a few cuss words from me around football season of this year. When I heard him say "Jesus Christ." I knew it was time to watch my language. I also called him my sound effects bird. He would mimic the noise of the typing keyboard as I typed at my computer, and in addition to that, he made the noise of the microwave, the alarm clock, he sneezed, he coughed and he even picked up my laugh. One day I noticed that he was having problems with one of his little legs and he was dragging it. I quickly made him an appointment at the vet. I breathed a sigh of relief when the vet told me that he didn't think there were any broken bones and that he thought it was just a sprain. I took him back home and he started to get better. About two weeks after that he started to drag his little leg again, this time it was much worse and to the point that he couldn't even sit on his favorite swing. He had stopped talking and whistling and just hung out in the corner of his cage. I immediately took him back to the vet. When I left my apartment to take him to the vet, I had this sick feeling inside that I would not be returning back home with him.
My vet examined him and told me that he had a tumor. I asked her to take an x-ray just to make sure, as I was hanging on to the hopes that there was something wrong with his little leg, and I was prepared to go to any lengths of expense to have her fix whatever was wrong with his leg. She came back in the room with the x-ray and gave me the bad news and showed me his x-ray where the tumor was located. I immediately started to tear up and my heart fell down to the floor. "How much time does he have?" I asked.
"Less than a month." She told me.
I sat in the chair and just looked at her, my eyes welling up with more tears at that point.
"I can send you home with some pain medication to help make him more comfortable and you can have some more time with him? She suggested. "Or you can put him to sleep."
She then told me about the process of how they would put him to sleep.
"I'll give you some time to think about it." She said as she walked out of the examination room.
I sat back in the chair and stared into the cage and wept. My poor sick bird staring at me through the bars of his cage. I sat there for ten minutes and came to the decision that I would just bring him back home with me. He stared at me with sad eyes and tried to walk around the bottom of his cage. His little leg flopping all over the place. It was then that I thought to myself, "how selfish of me, how could I think that by taking him back home with me that it was going to benefit him and make him feel better, I'm doing this for my benefit so that I will feel better and not for him, this is so unfair for me to even think this way." "I don't want to let him go, but he is so sick and I know I don't want him to suffer anymore." "I have to set him free, I have to let him go."
The door to the examination room opened up and the vet came in to check on me to see what my decision was. I told her that I wanted to take him home, but I also did not want him to suffer anymore. She shook her head yes. I then told her that I wanted to have him put to sleep.
"I think you're making the right decision." She said. "Why don't you spend some more time with him?" She said.
I couldn't even talk at that point, she left the room once again and I got up out of the chair and stood in front of his cage looking in at him and crying my eyes out. I started talking to him.
"I'm sorry Oreo." "I'm going to miss you, but I need to let you go now." "Thank you for being my bird and my friend." "I'm going to miss you so much." He just stared at me with his little eyes, then he got up from the corner of his cage and hobbled to the very front of his cage where I was standing. I leaned my head in closer to him. He leaned forward and put his beak through the bars of the cage and gave me a kiss. It was like he had understood every word that I had just said to him and he knew what was happening. The door to the examination room opened up, it was the vet. I told her to take him, that I had to leave right that second because if I stuck around there I wouldn't be able to walk out of there. She had another cage that she had brought in to put him in. I took him out of the cage and gave him one last kiss goodbye. He let out a little squawk then gave me another peck on my lips as if to say, "goodbye," "thank you for being my owner and taking good care of me, and thank you for setting me free."
It's true what they say, "you don't know what you've got until it's gone." I miss him so much, he was a little bird but the amount of love he gave was more than you could ever imagine. He made me so happy and made me laugh when I was feeling low, he was a true friend that I will forever miss, and I'm so grateful that he belonged to me and he was a part of my life.
The littliest things in life can make the biggest difference.
Jenn

Reality Television

This is my first entry in my blog. I don't know about anyone else but I love these reality t.v. shows that are on. I have my personal favorites, like Criss Angel Mindfreak, Paranormal State, Intervention, Gene Simmons Family Jewels, Bret Michael's Rock Of Love. Then there are the other reality shows where I just can't seem to understand why I like them. Is it because I don't have enough stinkin drama in my own life that I have to dig into somebody elses drama??? Who knows, but tonight I heard one of the funniest lines of all time when i was watching one of the reality shows I had on. I won't mention which show but I will only quote the line from the show that one person said to another person on the show. It went something like this.

Here is the scene:

Two girls sitting in a room talking, the first girl turns to the second girl.

First girl: What are you going to do?

Second girl: I don't know, but I'll be damned if I'm going to live in hell!


ROTFLMAO! Yeah, now that really makes sense! "I'll be damned if I'm going to live in hell!"